Get Your Damn Hands Off Me!

When we started this trip, Molly's mom made me promise that I would keep an eye on Molly. She advised against wearing our real wedding rings, but said that we should definitely invest in some simple, cheap rings to make it apparent to all who met us that we were married. While that certainly proved to be true, I'd have to say I didn't see it going the way it did last night.

We got a recommendation from our friend Charlie, actually on this blog, to go check out Patpong Night Bazaar, a street market similar to the one I mentioned in the first blog entry. This market was, however, substantially larger than it's predecessor. We arrived in the area entirely too early and had plenty of time to kill. We decided to grab 2 seats at a local watering hole called "The Roadhouse." It was a classy joint with bartenders who didn't mind sharing tips on the local dialect. They taught us how to say "Thank you" - "Korp Kun Ka" for Molly and "Korp Kun Kop" for me. We drank a few very large Chang beers, which are delicious by the way, and decided to get out. Due to the heat, Molly and I were both experiencing a fierce case of chub rub, so we purchased the local equivalent of Gold Bond. While in the drug store, we also purchased sun screen, which is surprisingly hard to find considering the tremendous heat and intense sun. In addition, Asians here are OBSESSED with looking as white as possible, so we had a very hard time finding an SPF under 50 that didn't also have a bleaching agent in it. We found it, but a small bottle ended up costing about $20. After application, we were back on the road to check out Jim Thompson's silk house - an awesome but quite expensive store that pride's itself in being the first silk manufacturer in the far east. We then got some lunch and decided to get massages to kill time before the night bazaar. Molly opted for the foot massage while I decided on the "Traditional Thai Massage." It was awesome and we both felt great afterwards, but I don't think my masseuse was ready for my manliness. She was rather small in stature and towards the end attempted to crack my back by having me lock my hands behind my head while she attempted a full nelson that she planned to use to twist my upper torso. Not only could she not get her arms around me, but she was too small to effectively twist my body. After a few laughs from each of us and an apology on my end, we parted ways.

We arrived at the night bazaar and boy, how bazaar it was. This market was MUCH more willing to deal with Molly's bartering techniques than the other. These peddlers were AGGRESSIVE and desperate. We looked at some really nice knock-off watches (that would have undoubtedly broken the second we walked away form the stand) and without even counter offering, the pusher dropped her price from 850 baht to 250. I felt like I was watching one of those drug awareness videos in middle school - the ones where they inform you that dealers will commonly give goods away to get you hooked and then reap the profits later.

Molly once again showed off her negotiation skills in a match of wits with a petite woman selling leather bracelets. Molly wanted one and asked the woman how much. She was told that one was 450 baht. Molly turned to walk and the woman immediately countered with 400 and then 350. Molly said she wanted 4 bracelets, and explained she wanted to work on price. The woman suggested a ridiculous 1600 baht for 4 (thanks for the discount!) to which Molly snickered and countered with 600. At this point, I just sat back and watched the magic while sweating profusely. The negotiation went on for the better half of ten minutes, which was incredibly funny due to the language barrier and the fact that every time she'd put a bracelet on Molly she'd loudly proclaim, "YES!" Finally the sale closed with Molly getting all 4 for 800 baht.

The funniest thing about this market was that either men were too intimidated to hit on Molly, or I'm just a hot commodity around here. I was touched and caressed by literally 15 people, male and female. Finally Molly had to start holding my hand.  I'm not going to lie, it did make me feel pretty, but enough is enough. I'm a person with feelings too, not a piece of meat. The whole night culminated when we were trying to find a bathroom and I received an offer from a younger gentlemen while walking to the bathroom. The conversation was very confusing to me, which was clear from the look on my face, so he took it upon himself to use hand gestures to show me what he was offering me.  I got very nervous and quickly scurried away, closer to the small, but protective Molly. 

I now understand how women feel while walking down a crowded street in the summer. I've never been the type to yell out windows while passing or whistling or anything of the sort, nor will I ever again. I do, however, know that if things got REAL bad and I had to turn to prostitution, I'd make out like a BANDIT around here.

Lotus Flower at Our Hotel (Nice pic, Molly!)

Chang Beer - the Best so far

Molly's Bar

Street Vendors Selling Food are Prevalent Here

View of Night Bazaar