Moonin' Round Asia: Hot Salad: Meh...

The town we’re in is actually Haad Salad, but Hot Salad is a lot funnier, eh? First, allow me to apologize for not posting more frequently. I’ve received some complaints and trust me, they’ve been formally lodged with management. You have to understand that 1) We just don’t have really exciting things to write about EVERY day – sometimes we just hang by the pool or take a walk or wake up in time for happy hour only to fall asleep again in 3 hours, and 2) Internet service here is very much unlike that of the US. It’s spotty at best at times and I’ve had half of an article get erased because the internet cuts out or pictures not get posted or a whole plethora of other issues. All of this is compounded by the fact that I read on a 3^rd grade level, so I dictate to Molly who is responsible for translating into something legible and getting it out via the world wide web. As you can understand, this takes time.

The last post outlined our departure from Ko Tao and brief arrival in Ko Phagnan. We opted for a hotel known as Cookies. Molly, bless her assumptive little heart, walks right up to the lady greeting us at the top of the hill down to the hotel, extends a warm handshake and says, “Hello Cookie, nice to meet you!” The woman’s name was, in fact, Ohm but she didn’t have the heart to tell Molly that right away. We were shown to our room and took it easy for night 1, Tuesday night, because we knew we’d be at the Black Moon Party the next night. For those of you who don’t know, the Full Moon Party is a monthly event on this island where approximately 10,000 - 15,000 partiers pack the beach known as Hat Rin for all night drunken debauchery. We missed this as the moon refused to cooperate and change it’s oh so busy schedule. The Black Moon Party, however, is what we were here for.

Wednesday started with the usual free breakfast provided by the hotel. We met Chris and Julie down at the restaurant prior to breakfast concluding. It was nice to catch up on some sleep and we were all relatively well rested. Chris and I started playing pool and drinking Chang and Singha beers pretty early while the girls opted for a massage and other girly things at a nearby beach shack. Our cab was scheduled to pick us up at 7pm to take us to Hat Rin and at about 5:30 the skies completely opened and the island was drenched by torrential down pour for about an hour. Molly and Julie were lucky enough to be laying just in harms way while getting their massages.

They got home, we cleaned up and jumped in our cab to Hat Rin as planned. Cabs here are very dissimilar to those of Baltimore. They’re neither yellow nor cars. They only have pickup truck taxis here that have a bench lining each side of the pickup truck bed. They also charge by the head, all prices are negotiable and everyone sits in the back like livestock. We went to Hat Rin, the town, first to grab some dinner. Afterwards, we took to the beach of the Full Moon Party, just to check out the scene (and drink a couple of buckets). Though it wasn’t Full Moon Party time, this didn’t dissuade ANY of the vendors from hopelessly trying to peddle their buckets of pain. Hat Rin beach didn’t have more than 50 people on it and there was literally a stand for every person on the beach. If one of us even turned to look at the stands, they immediately started screaming at us, “Buckets, awww buckets, you come see Susan, we treat you niiiiiiice. Special price for you!!” I later inquired that if 150 baht was a special price for me, how much would they charge Molly? I think my attempt at humor was lost on Susan. Their inadvertent comedy continued in their written word. Not only would they harass you to no end if you made eye contact, but they also had signs plastering the front of their stands with the name of the stand (usually an American name) coupled with some sort of lewd sexual act. I’d be happy to add examples, but Molly thinks you’re all capable of using your imaginations. The stand that Molly and I chose was picked for a couple of reasons. First, a free shot was offered with every bucket, but that seemed to be pretty standard. Secondly, Susan was offering 1 free hug for every bucket purchased. You better bet your last dollar I demanded that free hug. This isn’t my first rodeo and I’ll be damned if I allow for ANY false advertising, certainly not on my honeymoon. Finally, the deal was that if you bought 3 buckets, Susan provided the 4^th for free. I informed her that I’d be returning the favor if I drank 4 buckets in the form of my own special present to her, a large deposit of vomit directly in front of her stand. Again, she appeared to not really understand and was dumb enough to give me ANOTHER free hug! I think this was largely due to discomfort associated with a very large language barrier and my refusal to dumb things down.

This scene was very quiet and after a couple of rounds we hopped in to another cab to go to the Black Moon Party on a totally separate beach. We arrived and paid to get in, which also included a Vodka drink or a large beer. The Black Moon Party encourages body painting and supplies black lights in excess to assist people in making the biggest spectacle of themselves possible. In addition, silly hats and a variety of eurotrash clothing were in abundance. I wore a white shirt, of course, and considering how little I brought with me, didn’t want to risk ruining it with fluorescent paint. Molly, on the other hand, decided on a large sun for her back. Molly did manage to attract the anti-American anger of yet another British jerk while trying to use the facilities. It seems they seek her out as soon as she takes more than a few steps from me.

We got in to the party and had a great time. There really weren’t that many people in attendance, maybe 800, but the mood was great, the drinks were good and as usual, we found some cool people to talk to. We finally left the party around 4:30am and took a long ride back to our hotel.

Thursday was full of… nothing really. We woke up around 1:30pm after agreeing to sleep in after a rough night. We went down the roughly 400 stairs our hotel, sat at the restaurant for a bit while attempting to check email and met another couple from South Africa, Darren and Astie. We talked with them for a while and ended up taking them to our favorite restaurant that night, a small place up the street called Jang’s. Jang’s is owned by an English/Australian guy named Chris and his wife, Jang, from Thailand. They had owned and operated 2 very famous Thai restaurants in Australia for 17 years but are 2 of the most unassuming people you’ll meet. Chris waits all tables and Jang does all the cooking by herself. Their food is phenomenal and they’re outstanding to talk to. Chris told us all about the Reggae band he plays in at a bar northeast of where we’re staying. He also gave us a list of the celebrities that insisted on eating at his restaurant every time they visited Australia (including the Gladiator himself, Russell Crowe). We finished dinner and returned home for bed.

Molly and I decided to snorkel through the bay right out in front of our hotel on Friday morning. It was quite a struggle getting to a point where it was deep enough to swim comfortably. Though the beaches all look beautiful here, they’re very often quite rocky and/or are packed with coral. This issue was compounded by the fact that it was the peak of low tide. We struggled and finally made it out to the deep area in search of the sea turtle another girl claimed she had seen, as well as the octopus. We never found either, but did see a lot of other cool stuff including what was either a very large puffer fish or a handicapped grouper, a number of barracudas and a whole bunch of other colorful things.

We came home to clean up, met up with Darren and Astie and found a Chris-less Julie, as he still wasn’t feeling good enough to move further than 10 feet from his bed/bathroom. We got dinner and went to Jang’s again afterwards as Chris had invited us to go see his band play. Darren and Astie decided against going to the Rasta bar as they had to do scuba school early Saturday morning. Molly, Julie and I piled into the back of Chris’s pickup truck and we arrived ten minutes later at a very small bar in the middle of the jungle, all made out of bamboo. Have you ever shown up to a very formal event and not gotten the memo that states it’s black tie only? That’s about how much I stood out in this place, being about 50% larger than everyone there, 150% whiter and possessing 1/5000^th the amount of hair. It’s all Rasta wannabes…. you know, tiny Thai dudes with serious dreadlocks but no grasp of the words to No Woman No Cry. Shortly thereafter a number of other people showed up from all over the place – Israel, England, Scotland, France, Austalia and New Zealand. The coolest part about the whole thing was that anyone was invited to come on stage and jam with these guys. It wasn’t uncommon at all for a new person to come walking in, grab a beer and take the stage and grab a guitar. I proved my musical prowess on a small bongo sitting on the floor. It was clear everyone was impressed, but I’m not a showboat and didn’t want to hit them with my best stuff. Molly, however, did her best to control herself and avoid showing the drummer and lead singer exactly how it was done. After about 3 hours, Jang (Chris’s wife) stood up and yelled at the stage, “Take me home, now!” This conveniently coincided with when we were hoping to leave. Only later did I find out that Jang appeared to have quite a thing for my wife and forced her will upon Molly after Molly informed her that she had a stomach ache. Jang took that as an invitation to grab the closest jar of tiger balm, grease up her hands and shoot them straight up Molly’s shirt for a good ol’ tummy massage.

We got a ride home in the back of the pickup truck and parted ways for the evening after Molly was informed that Jang would have a piping hot plate of Massaman Curry waiting for her Saturday night for dinner. She’s got to go claim it now as it apparently takes 2 hours to prepare.

Saturday morning, Molly and I decided to climb to the top of the highest mountain on Ko Phangan. Chris and Julie joined us for this adventure. We walked into town and grabbed a cab to Nam Tok Pheng, the national park located right in the center of the island. The mountain is over 2057 feet high, which may not seem like a lot, but when it’s 100 degrees with 100% humidity climbing 1 flight of stairs is exhausting. We arrived at the park and began our trek, water bottles in hand. Molly was a total trooper, leading the pack the entire time. I watched her backside and served in my typical capacity, water sieve, drinking literally 3 liters of water and expelling 2.85 liters during the walk. The nice part was, I think mosquitoes (or mozzies as the Brits call them) were too grossed out to land on me. We passed some unreal waterfalls and pools on the way to the top and had a lot of great photo opportunities. Chris and Julie, who had both been sick the day before, were exhausted and decided not to follow us to the peak. Molly and I moved on and were glad we did as the peak was beautiful and provided one of the best views I’d seen since the eagle in my dream last night flew me over the Grand Canyon. After a number of pictures, we began the journey down. We were passed by about 9, 10 year olds on the way down, none of whom were wearing shoes. How in the world their tiny little feet withstood the pounding of hiking/climbing over often jagged rocks was beyond me, but as it turns out, I’m apparently a big sissy. We made it to the bottom without any broken bones and hailed a taxi for the ride home.

Our time here in Ko Phagnan has been fun as we met some other interesting people, had some drinks with some locals and saw some beautiful scenery. I don’t, however, think it’s what we had in mind when we came and we’re excited to move on to Ko Samui tomorrow to see what that island has in store for us. It’s supposedly the biggest and most commercial island on the gulf coast and we’ll soon see if that means better bars/restaurants, more entertainment and a greater variety of things to do. We’re going to do our best to find a hotel with wi-fi in the room and will be more conscious of frequent, less lengthy updates with hopefully more excitement. We hope you’re all well and please feel free to comment on any delicious American food you’ve eaten recently – perhaps cheesesteaks, cheeseburgers, cheesedogs, macaroni and cheese, cheese…. You know, anything. We really miss that stuff.